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Paul Hayden


December 11, 2017

What if someday, I decide I’m sick of the grind. I’m tried of working and earning a living. I just want to be taken care of. Heck, at this point I’m even too lazy to go to the welfare office and fill out all that paperwork in order to collect free stuff. I’m just done with all the responsibility of being a societal human.
May I then self identify as some sort of unique zoo animal? What animal? I don’t know – I’m questioning. But I will get a place to sleep, three square meals a day, and my very own habitat to stretch my legs, should I desire. I mean – why the heck not? Of course this sounds completely ridiculous, or it would have maybe a decade or so ago. Now, I’m thinking it doesn’t sound that far-fetched.
After all, we humans are now able to run the gamut of self-identification. It started simply enough. We were male or female. But that was too simplistic. Then we expanded to heterosexual and homosexual. Still not good enough. If you are a homosexual female you’re not just homosexual, but lesbian. And because homosexual developed a negative connotation, it was changed to gay. I guess because homosexual men are also happy people. I don’t know.
Still, this did not define us all, so the acronym LGBT was coined. A person could comfortably identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. However, some in our society still felt left out – and we sure can’t have that. So the letter scramble continues, giving us the most inclusive acronym to date - LGBTTQQIP2SAA.
Yep – there it is. Boy, I wish I was just making this up, but sadly it is real, or as real as it gets these days.
The acronym stands for: lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, questioning, queer, intersex, pansexual, two-spirit (2S), androgynous, and asexual. Well Holy Crap!
Don’t ask me what some of these terms represent, for I do not know, and frankly, I’m quite certain I don’t want to find out.
Now, you would think with such a comprehensive list of options to choose from, the confused and dissatisfied among us would finally be placated. But you would be wrong, Daniel-san.
Believe it or not, the bigotry continues, and on the campus of Brown University it is known as “institutional invisibility.” Yes – at this august institute of higher learning, for which one must pay between $50,000 and $65,000 per year to attend, some students are dissatisfied with their assigned race.
“Brown University is implementing a change to its graduate school application that will allow applicants to ‘self-identify’ as persons of color,” reports the College Fix. To think of the crap poor Rachel Dolezal had to endure for merely being ahead of the societal curve. She deserves an apology from all those who mocked and derided her, and a statue of her should be erected on Brown’s campus.
Evidently the new policy is the result of complaints by some graduate students, “on the Graduate School advisory board that international and Asian-American students are not treated as members of historically underrepresented groups by the university. The school’s diversity initiatives are intended to benefit members of these groups.”
In other words, “Where’s our special carve-out? Why do we have to be treated like those white people?” Oh – does that sound racist? It should, because it is – racist against white Americans. Whites have become the only ones on college campuses not to able to benefit from some bogus “diversity initiative.” But we will be able to take pride in knowing that our full-boat tuition will pay for everyone else. At least we’ll have that. Just watch this bright idea spread like wildfire to other colleges.
Due to this latest revelation, the thought-to-be compressively inclusive acronym must again be appended to include trans-racialism. And so I don’t feel neglected, I have added my own.
My latest, but I’m sure not final, inclusive acronym is: LGBTTQQIP2SAATRSQ.
It of course stands for: lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, questioning, queer, intersex, pansexual, two-spirit (2S), androgynous, and asexual, trans-racial, species questioning.

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Brent Smith, "The Common Constitutionalist," offers not just conservative commentary and analysis, but a blend of politics, history, arts, science, and humor. Whoever said conservatives aren’t funny? Yeah, I know…most people. Brent is a contributing writer for numerous online publications. When he is not burning the midnight oil writing his insightful commentaries, he is raising his two teenage sons to be patriots and Conservatives.
Visit Brent Smith's website at www.commonconstitutionalist.com