Living Above Impulsiveness

In the summer of 1986, two ships collided in the Black Sea off the Russian coast. Hundreds of passengers died after being hurled into the icy water below. The news grew worse when an investigation revealed the accident's cause. 

It wasn't a technical problem like a radar malfunction or even thick fog. Instead, human stubbornness was to blame. Each captain knew the other ship was present, and both could have steered clear. But neither wanted to give way because each was too proud to yield. By the time they came to their senses, it was too late. This story reminds me of America’s current government: a heap of captains with runaway egos. Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. 

If you're a tough-minded, strong-willed, make-it-happen person, consider what you just read. If you win the argument but lose the relationship, what have you gained? If you save face but break trust, you end up in the loss column. The choices we make reveal us and then make us.

In my opinion, this accident wasn't caused by stubbornness. Ego and a lack of self-control caused it. Each captain was stubborn, but they didn’t use self-control to harness their self-determination. Could the only thing worse than not using self-control be wishing you had? Everyone has triggers caused by either nature or nurture. Self-control is what channels our triggers toward a more positive outcome. Remember the following sentence. When you have your finger on your personal trigger – listen, consider, and yield to a constructive response. 

The Bible states that in the last days, humankind will be “without self-control” (2 Timothy 3:1-3). All around us, pressure comes from a thousand sources: media manipulation, out-of-control government spending, broken relationships, shootings, raunchier entertainment, and social media influence. Yet we, the people, are already half numb to the culture’s perpetual coarsening. The ‘F’ word is now popular because it sells. 

The net effect is a culture full of rage and fear, which is far more incendiary than uplifting. Many people ‘devolve’ into what the Bible says the last days will be like, i.e., “every person does that which is right in their own eyes." Where’s the self-control that benefits both the person and society? When handling others, use your heart. When handling yourself, use your head. That’s called self-control. Could our boast about "progress" have landed us in pandemonium, but not in paradise?

Author and speaker Lance Wallnau says, “Self-control may be the greatest distinguishing mark between those who walk in the power of the Holy Spirit and wisdom, and those controlled by their own appetites. Without self-control, humans are likened to a city without walls: "Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down without walls." Proverbs 25:28.” 

Lance says, "Imagine invisible walls protecting you, made of the substance of self-control. Self-control is the power that sets boundaries in your life. Self-control keeps what you cherish in and what is evil out. Proverbs 16:32 summarizes what I just wrote. ‘He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.’"

Some people are self-disciplined by nature and nurture, and others are not. Some people, like me, are entrepreneurs by nature. They are hard-driving and stimulus-oriented, but at times their work is driven more by passion than discipline. When the job gets boring, they move on to something else that engages them. These individuals often test low in self-control.

Here are some quotes that capture the essence of self-control. 

“Of all possible success attributes, which one is the most powerful? Self-control is the master aptitude, for you multiply all other strengths with this one strength.” 

“Self-centeredness and happiness do not go hand in hand.” 

“How shall I be able to rule over others when I have not full power and command over myself?” 

“Failure to hit the mark is never the fault of the target. To improve your aim, improve yourself.”

Did you know self-control is a gift from God? 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For what the Spirit of God gives us does not make us timid but gives us power, love, and self-discipline.” As Christians, you and I have a godly Spirit within us that operates in power, love, and self-discipline, which is the essence of self-control. If you lack self-control, ask God for it.

Self-control is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control…" (Galatians 5.22) So, if you have the Spirit of God, you can have self-control. Please access the asset. Without self-control, there can be no love, because God's love extends to the unlovable. Loving the unlovable requires self-control. Without self-control, we can't stay joyful for long because we will suffer the consequences of our impulsive, foolish decisions. Without self-control, we can't have patience. Patience requires self-control. 

At times in my life, I operated under Delph-control, and it turned out to be a disaster. Now, I'm learning to use the fruit of self-control. The results are much better. 

Here’s your takeaway. Self-control is simply controlling yourself with the Holy Spirit's help. So, my advice in this article is to listen, consider, and yield. Then a lack of control won’t control you.