Something Lost, But Something Gained

If there is one thing that defines authentic leadership, it's mutuality. Mutuality is sharing a feeling, action, or relationship between two or more parties. Authentic leadership creates an environment for win-win solutions when and where possible. It lifts people and organizations rather than tearing them down. 

Zig Ziglar said, “You can get everything you want if you help enough others to get what they want.” Leadership is less me and more we. Authentic leadership is more about being 'the guide by their side' than the ever-popular, culture-driven ‘sage on the stage.’

Let me illustrate mutuality in this true-life story that changed the lives of two famous men in John Maxwell's book, The Power of Partnership in the Church.

"If you knew anything about the history of the Olympics, you probably know the name Bob Richards. He is the only man to win gold medals in the pole vault in two different Olympic Games. And his feat is a testament to the fact that victories result from hard work and beneficial relationships.

"Years ago, when Bob tried to break the record for the pole vault held by Cornelius ‘Dutch’ Warmerdam, he kept falling short, no matter what method he attempted. It frustrated him. He knew he had the potential to be the best in the world at his sport, but he discovered that few people could help him improve. Of course, he was already one of the best in the world, but no matter which coach he talked to, he couldn't find any new insight to help him. 

"As he racked his brain, he could think of only one person who had the knowledge to help him – Dutch Warmerdam himself! But how could he ask Dutch to help him break his record? It seemed so far-fetched, but he could think of no other option, not if he would improve on his best vault.

"Finally, he called Dutch. He decided to be polite but bold. ‘Dutch, can you help me?’ Bob asked. 'I seem to have leveled off. I can't jump any higher.' There was no hesitation. ‘Sure, Bob,’ Dutch answered. 'Come up to visit me, and I'll give you all I've got.' Bob was dumbfounded. Here was the greatest pole vaulter in the world – the master – and he was willing to help Bob try to break his world record.

"Bob spent three days with Dutch and, true to his word, the world record holder gave him everything he had. Dutch corrected Bob's technique and pointed out things to help him improve. He became Bob's encourager, motivator, and coach. As a result, Bob added an incredible eight inches to his best vault. In the process, he won a gold medal and set a new world record.” 

Talk about a ‘win-win’ for all parties. Mature leaders know that their achievement does not require someone else's failure. Let’s glean some principles, values, and lessons from Bob Richards's and Dutch Warmerdam's mutuality experience. 

First, Bob understood that he was not smart enough to improve alone or dumb enough to try to improve alone. You can be better than others without coaching, but you will never be your best. That’s mutuality. Bob had to lose something to gain something more. 

Second, notice how Bob embraced the need for mutuality. He had a reality and humility check. He had the integrity and honesty to assess where he was and where he would go without mutuality. The problem with self-reliance is that it gains momentum as it goes along. Many people refuse to have a reality check about narcissism and selfishness until it’s too late. Their autobiography is entitled The Life I Meant to Live. 

Third, Bob acknowledged the reality, but he could see the remedy. Bob took the risk of his life and asked someone better than him for help. He dared to access a secure asset. Bob understood that winners focus on winning, and losers focus on winners. Bob chose to focus on winning, not his competitor. Hint: Don’t be around people who think your growth is a competition. If we can’t be happy for one another, we won’t have mutuality.

Fourth, let’s consider Dutch. Because Dutch was secure in his soul, he was not threatened by another competitor asking him for help. He had humility, which is a path to greatness. When you give what you have away, life works. When you hoard what you have, life tends to crumble. Dutch lost something but gained something so much more. Your giftedness is for others' benefit. 

Lastly, remember, you can only be successful once you find a successor. Dutch, the competitor, became a mentor and coach. The ‘sage on the stage’ became the ‘guide by their side.’ Here are two quotes about a mentor: “A mentor’s philosophy is to lead, not from the head, so you are over them. Lead not from the feet so that you are under them. Lead from the heart so that you are beside them.” “When a mentor’s hands no longer work, the work of their hand will continue to keep on working.” 

God gave us something on the first Christmas. On the first Easter weekend, God lost something on Friday but gained much more on Sunday. 

One final question: What would you have done if you held the record?