Bang The Drum Slowly
June 9, 2008
By J.J. Jackson
It's nighttime and the sky is dark. But do not worry. The sun will come up in the morning. But only if I pull out my trusty drum and bang on it. My family has been doing this ritual for eons and the technique has been passed down through my family over the years and the knowledge now resides in me. I'll be happy to bang on my drum and bring the sun back up in the morning, but only if I am paid well for my services - say one million dollars every day.
If you doubt my skills know that I have been diligently getting up every morning, banging on my drum and then only after I do this does the sun come up. Thus the cause and effect relationship is well established.
So I've offered that I will bang my drum - for a price. After all, in this day and age one cannot be too careful and I don't want to be left with a serious medical condition that would result in my inability to bang my drum nor would you. So I need the money to provide for not just my security, but yours as well. And besides, why should other people get the benefit of my knowledge about how to make the sun rise? I think that I deserve something for my troubles and a million dollars is not too much to ask considering how many people there are on this planet and how important the sun is to all of our very existences.
Oh, and if one of you out there thinks that you can get away with not paying me a million dollars a day and just bang your own drum instead, know that there are special techniques required. And you do not know them. So you banging on a drum will not work. It has to be me.
Now, kindly deposit one million dollars.
Sure, many of you are calling this assertion crazy. But we all know that there are more than a few people out there who I guarantee you would honestly believe that the sun would not rise into the morning sky if I did not bang my drum based on the information that because I bang on the drum and then the sun comes up that the drum banging is what causes the sun to rise. Some people will believe anything as evidenced by the numerous conspiracy theories without an ounce of scientific fact to back them up that constantly are circulated and held dear by millions.
So some people will pay my fee. Most of you will point at those foolish enough to pay up and mock them, rightfully so, while warning your children not to be like them or even associate with such people. But the true believers, those that are paying me, know that unless they pay me and I bang on my drum there will be no sun in the morning. They point back at those of you with actual brains in your heads and mock you in return.
Of course there is a difference. They have a false bravado which is not warranted. You have every right to point out their stupidity.
But don't worry. That will not stop them.
So I get my million dollars every day, thousands of adoring fans who eagerly wait each morning for me to bang my drum and then for the sun to come up because of it. After all, I bang the drum and then the sun comes up. So the drum must cause the sun to rise. And you will continue to laugh and point at those forking over their money foolishly each day while they in turn feel sorry for you because they are convinced you are not smart enough to realize that they are doing you a great service.
This will go on like this for a while; me collecting money, banging my drum, the sun rising, you mock those that pay me and those that pay me mocking you. But eventually those paying me the money to bang my drum each day will think this is really entirely unfair. Why should they pay all the money? After all those of you mocking them and not paying up are benefiting from the sun coming up each day. They will begin to question why you should get such a "free ride".
Those paying me to bang the drum to make the sun come up will begin to demand that you share in their self imposed burden as well. They each believe that they are paying too much because you are not paying at all. No matter how many times you point out that me banging my drum does not make the sun come up it will not change their impressions. Since you will not pay up willingly and join in their folly they ultimately will decide that they will have to take your "fair share" by force.
They will call for a tax to be levied on everyone since everyone benefits from the sun coming up. Should you decline to pay there would then be the full force and weight of government to back up their claim to your money. Once that happens, you will wind up paying me to bang the drum to bring the sun up each day as well - even though you know better.
Now, perhaps you think that this is all just too silly. It is too outrageous in your mind that people would actually want to tax you because you are smart enough to see them floundering in their own folly. No one could be dumb enough, you think, to believe in some false problem, pay for fake solutions to elevate it, get upset that everyone is not following their lead and then begin demanding through government force that you, and everyone else smart enough to not believe in their cockamamie ideas, help pay for the burden they are inflicting on themselves.
Really? You think that do you? Have you listened to Al Gore recently? Have you seen his followers? It is already happening.
Those that are true believers in the concept of man made Global Warming, or whatever it is called these days to make it comport with the cherry picked data, are working hard to impose taxes, fees and limitations on you because you are not voluntarily giving your money to a hopeless cause that believes in fallacies. Fallacies like if I do not bang on my drum, the sun will not rise in the morning.