In the summer of 2008, then presidential candidate Barack Obama delivered an historic campaign speech in Germany. With the Berlin Wall as a back drop, Obama proudly informed the masses that he was not there as a candidate, but as "...a fellow citizen of the world."
The crowd went crazy and the world rejoiced. Finally, the United States was ready to join the community of man.
In what former U.S. ambassador to the UN John Bolton calls our first post-American President, Obama has bestowed instant cachet on the growing ranks of Americans who revel in the thought of being the first in their own social set to be considered cutting edge 'citizens of the world.' Especially since joining this community of global citizens confers upon them automatic (albeit, unearned) virtue, along with instant and unassailable moral stature.
For those of you who just aren't with it, (like Christians, conservatives and a few Republicans) here are the latest, up to the minute, details on how to gain inclusion in this trendy and politically correct group.
To become a 'citizen of the world,' you must first and foremost declare your support for the disenfranchised. Preferably in front of a camera in a very public forum. Just pick a group of victims upon whom you will bestow your empathy and support. The only caveat being that they reside in underdeveloped countries ruled by misunderstood men of good will like Uganda, or Cuba, or Somalia, or...well, you get my drift. Oh, and make sure everyone understands that these victims are only victims because of George W. Bush and/or America.
Next, you must ardently advocate the spending of other people's money in order to help these poor victims. If you're one of the fortunate 'non-rich,' (meaning your income is under $250,000 and/or you receive a government check every month) then a straight party line vote for the Democrats, frequent letters to the editor and a catchy bumper sticker are strongly recommended. In addition, you must make yourself available for the occasional photo-op or rally, and vocalize your support for all of Obama's policies to everyone you know. (T-shirts are a very cool way to do this)
If you're unfortunate enough and greedy enough to have an annual income over $250,000, your membership entrance requirements are a bit more stringent. The good news is, you can skip right over victims and concentrate on vital issues like global warming or the evils of capitalism.
For all you rich guys out there, it's recommended that you use whatever influence you have to advocate for whichever policy Obama is currently trying to foist on the American public. Bumper stickers won't do it, guys. You need to atone big time.
Not to worry, just contact DNC.org and they will give you a list of organizations you should support. And since you've made all that money on the backs of the poor, social justice requires that you give back some of your own money, instead of merely advocating the expenditure of other people's money.
A list of approved recipient groups will be provided free of charge. It is recommended that you give early and often. ACORN is the most needy cause as of this writing. But whatever group you decide to donate your bucks to, rest assured, Obama is in the process of making those donations tax deductible.
If you happen to be filthy rich and/or an elected official or head of a union, different rules apply. In order to be considered a citizen of the world, all you have to do is believe (faking belief is totally OK) in Obama's vision of utopia. You must believe, or at least profess to believe, that world peace is possible, that the earth is melting, that diplomacy trumps war and that America is the cause of all the world's problems. Other that that, the only real requirement is a constant and sustained effort to ensure that global governance trumps American sovereignty.
Hat-tip: it wouldn't hurt if you make known that yours was one of the Swiss bank accounts the Obama administration recently forced the Swiss to disclose. That alone will ensure you are recognized by the right people.
There you have it, fellow comrades. If you have followed the above steps, we want to officially welcome you as a new 'citizen of the world.' Take a load off. You are now eligible to engage in global groupthink, which means that you will never again be forced to make any moral, financial or life decisions on your own. More membership perks are already in the works, and you guys will be the first to benefit! Kumbaya.