NEWS FLASH!!

New Broadway musical to open in the New Middle East. It is to be called The Reducers, and is based on that old Mel Brooks classic The producers, about a group of clutzy Broadway producers trying on purpose to make their expensive show fail. It stars Arik Sharon as the oversized Zero Mostel playing Max Bialystock. The famous theme song of Springtime for Hitler and Germany has been replaced by Springtime for Yassir and Araby. Other famous dance tunes are Ahlan for Dahlan. Shimon Peres plays Gene Wilder as Maz Bloom screaming "I am hysterical and I am wet."

To be staged in the Gaza Strip.

Get your tickets now!!

Quotes from the script:

    Max Bialystock: Shut up, I’m

    having a rhetorical conversation.



    Max Bialystock: Thank you, I

    knew I could con you.



    Singer: Don’t be stupid, be a

    smarty. Come and join the Meretz

    party.



    Franz Liebkind: Not many

    people know it, but the Rais

    was a terrific dancer.



    Leo: Let’s assume, just for the

    moment, that you are a dishonest

    man.

    Max: Assume away.



    Max Bialystock: That’s exactly

    why we want to produce this

    play. To show the world the true

    Yassir, the Yassir you loved, the

    Yassir you knew, the Yassir with

    a song in his heart.



    Leo Bloom: Actors are not

    animals! They’re human beings!

    Max Bialystock: They are?

    Have you ever eaten with one?



    Franz Liebkind: Hitler...there

    was a painter! He could paint an

    entire apartment in ONE

    afternoon! TWO coats!!



    Max Bialystock: You have

    exactly ten seconds to change

    that look of disgusting pity into

    one of enormous respect!



    Leo Bloom: I’m in pain and I’m

    wet and I’m still hysterical!!



    Max Bialystock: I’m

    condemned by a society that

    demands success when all I can

    offer is failure!

Copyright © 2001 by Steven Plaut.
All Rights Reserved.

-Published with permission