. (Oldies Revival): You no doubt have seen those lists of the "World’s
Shortest Books"
floating around the web.
Well, I thought the time had come to toss out a few suggestions of my own.
The Cyber Samizdat Additions to the World’s Shortest (Jewish) Books
1. "My Favorite Joan Baez Songs," by Saddam Hussein.
2. "Reform Rabbis I have Admired," by Rabbi Ovadia Yossef.
3. "Illegal Narcotics that Progressive Jews should Avoid,"
by the Editors of Tikkun Magazine.
4. "Torah Laws and raditions we Practice," by the
Reconstructionist movement.
5. "Koshers Foods I Enjoy," by Shulamit Aloni.
6. "My Beauty Secrets," by Yael Dayan.
7. "Books I have Read," by David Levy.
8. "List of Ways the Likud Differs from the Labor Party," by
Benjamin Netanyahu.
9. "Conflict Resolution through Meditation," by Ofer Nimrodi.
10. "Arab Terrorists I Have Condemned," by Avigdor Feldman and
Uri Avneri.
11. "Checks and Balances Needed for the Courts of Israel," by
Chief Justice Aharon Barak.
12. "The Secrets of My Charisma," by Ofer Pines.
13. "Lessons I have Learned in Housing Finance," by Arie Deri.
14. "My System of Losing Pounds," by Tommy Lapid.
15. "Where Syria and I will be in Ten Years," by Bashar Assad.
16. "Our Plans for Becoming Independent," by Lebanon’s Prime
Minister and President.
17. "Reasons why Ehud Barak Can be Taken at His Word," by the
Southern Lebanese Army.
18. "Things that would Make me Walk Away from Negotiations with
the PLO and Syria," by Ehud Barak.
19. "My Insights into Life," by Dalia Itzik.
20. "My Understanding of Free Speech and Democracy," by Shlomo
Ben-Ami.
21. "Men about Whom I have Fantasies," by Yuli Tamir.
22. "Ways to Get Contractors to Obey the Law," by Amram Mitzna.
23. "Violations by the Arabs on the Temple Mount that Would
Get us Upset," by the Rabbis for Human Rights.
24. "The List of Non-Leftists who Work for Us," by the Israel
Broadcasting Authority.
25. "Taxes I have Cut," by Avraham Beiga Shohat.
26. "Thoughts I have Had," by David Levy.
27. "Symbols of Zionism We Should Preserve," by Yossi Beilin.
28. "The Essence of Patriotism," by Yossi Sarid.
29. "My Favorite Hair Styles," by Yossi Sarid.
30. "Things about Shulamit Aloni I like," by Yossi Sarid.
31. "Conspiracy Theories I have Rejected," by Barry Chamish.
32. "New Arms Israel Should Be Allowed to Buy," by Jerome Siegel.
33. "Israeli Vital Interests that Need to be Guarded," by Sandy
Berger and Madge Albright.
34. "My Secret Love Life with Hillary," by Bill Clinton.
35. "My Secret Sex Life with the Chairman," by Suha Arafat.
36. "Our List of Pro-Israel Columns over the Years," by the Los
Angeles Times.
37. "Our List of Pro-Israel Columns over the Years," by Haaretz.
38. "How Palestine is more Democratic than Mugabe’s Zimbabwe," by
Yassi Arafat.
39. "Liberal Causes I Have Opposed," by Leonard Fein.
40. "Jews I Admire," by Pat Buchanan.
41. "Jews I Admire besides Noam Chomsky," by Edward Said.
42 "Middle East Historians I Admire and Cite," by Edward Said.
43. "Documented Facts in my Autobiography," by Edward Said.
44. "Communist Atrocities I Have Condemned," by Noam Chomsky.
45. "Things I Like about the United States," by Noam Chomsky.
46. "Tips from my Dental Hygienist," by Yassir Arafat.
47. "Things I Remember about my Lobotomy," by Shimon Peres.
48. "Cases of Affirmative Action that Have Worked," by a Huge Team.
49. "List of Israeli Universities Not Dominated by Leftists," by
a Small Team.
50. "Our Plans for Commemorating Israel’s Next Jubilee Year," by
Hosni Mubarak.
51. "Treasonous Activities We Refuse to Fund," by the New Israel
Fund.
52. "Errors I Admit to Having Made," by Yossi Beilin.
53. "People who Recognize Me as a Rabbi," by Michael Lerner.
54. "Violations of Oslo by the PLO we have Condemned," by the
publishers of Haaretz.
55. "Arab Nazis I have Prosecuted for Calling for Violence," by
Attorney General Elyakim Rubinstein.
56. "My Life as a Trappist Monk Living in Silence," by Tommy Lapid.