The Aldrich Alert
Gary Aldrich

A Publication of the Patrick Henry Center for Individual Liberty

Clintonís Weed-whacker

January 6, 2001

by Gary Aldrich - Volume 2, Issue 2

This article appeared on on Thursday, January 3, 2002.

I used to think that any fool would know the difference between an FBI investigation and a real U.S. military action, but thatís before the Clinton administration. Eight years of Bill and Hillary Clinton forever changed my views about the political world.

I used to think liberals were interesting, and in a way entertaining. Today I have concluded that if theyíre in power, theyíre dangerous to the national security. But even more dangerous are the ignorant citizens who vote for liberal policies. Why? Because they are "used" by dishonest politicians seeking to move a flawed and failed agenda forward.

There were many lessons along the way that should have changed my "Pollyanna" views about the general level of intelligence of our average citizens. For example, my FBI cases usually ended up in courtroom battles, and the make-up of the average jury pool should have alerted me that there are a lot of "picnics" out there shy a couple of sandwiches.

I mean, folks on most juries – the ones who are not excused because they have "lives" – know more about soap operas and MTV than how to deal with terrorists. But, on the other hand, the U.S. government is paid big tax bucks to handle "threats foreign and domestic," so who can blame jurists who havenít a clue about major issues of the day?

Actually, thatís not entirely fair to the people who are called to serve on juries. Defense attorneys are notorious for seeking the dumbest jurists they can find in the jury pool. That a few intelligent, normal people survive the cut to go on to be jury forepersons is miraculous, considering how badly the deck is stacked against the prosecutors in our criminal "injustice" system.

OK, letís assume the 40 percent of us who vote – but are clueless – are willing to learn and could benefit from some rudimentary education about the differences between liberals and conservatives. After more than 30 years in government service, much of it around politicians, this is what I have learned – and maybe you can pass this on to a liberal friend or relative:

Liberals love symbolism and good intentions, but they donít care much about solving problems, as long as some effort is made. Because liberals donít require real solutions, they have learned how to "create" a crisis where none exists because they know they will never be expected to solve any. Liberals also brag endlessly about their efforts to solve problems, and theyíre always "working so hard on the peopleís behalf," and especially "for the children."

The crisis du jour demonizes their political enemies, propels their political agenda, and keeps them in power … which is their real agenda.

On the other hand, conservatives are problem solvers and if thereís a real problem, theyíll eventually solve it. But, conservatives are too slow to claim credit, especially when they enjoy large victories. Thatís because conservatives donít like to brag.

Conservatives hate meetings and "process" and they are not good at attending endless conferences where nothing is decided, but where everyone gets a chance to pontificate. Liberals, in contrast, live for such useless and time-consuming meetings.

I never met a real conservative who didnít have "ants in the pants." Conservatives are impatient to solve real problems. Why? So that they can get on to the next problem, of course.

Liberals, however, have their "hands in your pants"… to get your money. Theyíve also had their slimy hands in the pants of too many young interns, if Ted Kennedy, Clinton and Condit are typical of liberals.

Let me use Bill Clinton and terrorism as a real-time example to underscore important differences between liberals and conservatives. Recent articles in two of our most liberal newspapers attempt to catalog Clintonís efforts to fight terrorism by describing endless, meaningless conferences where terrorist activities and possible solutions were talked – or I should say lawyered – to death. But as we now know, nothing much was actually done.

The Washington Post went so far as to call this liberal exercise, "Clintonís war on terrorism." They totally ignore the fact that before George W. Bush coined the phrase, nobody had even heard about a "War on Terrorism." Any half-brain knows Bill Clinton only had an "Investigation on Terrorism" – and there is a big difference.

Recall that every time Osama bin Laden attacked our nation, Bill Clinton called Janet Reno and had her send some FBI agents out to investigate. Even when the attack was launched on foreign soil against our State Department, or our U.S. Navy, Clinton had Reno send the FBI.

Hereís an analogy: Letís say that there is a tree in the forest that needs to be cut down. Your choice of tools will either be a weed-whacker or a chain saw. Of course, the weed-whacker symbolizes the FBI, whereas the chain saw represents the U.S. Department of Defense.

Now, if you attack the offending tree with that weed-whacker, it will take many years to cut it down – and maybe while youíre trying, the tree will fall on you. But, if youíre "slick" enough, the tree will fall on the poor chump who comes after you.

Of course, the weed-whacker is the safer choice, because chain saws are dangerous – they can backlash. A liberal will choose the safer tool every time – because they can appear to be doing something – and if theyíre lucky, the tree will not fall on them. Even if it does, they can always blame somebody or something else, such as the owner of the forest, or the manufacturer of the weed-whacker.

Conservatives know that if you pick up that chain saw and get right to work on that tree, within a very short time youíll hear, "Timber!" The truth that liberals donít want you to know is when Osama bin Laden sent his terrorists to attack the USS Cole – and killed 17 U.S. sailors – Clinton once again ran to his tool shed and grabbed his weed-whacker.

A real U.S. president wouldíve oiled up his biggest chain saw, and he would not have spent a lot of time talking about what had to be done next.

And thatís exactly what happened. That real presidentís name is George W. Bush. Any questions?